


I die every night with(out) you

by freakingfreak



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, I Don't Even Know, I blame college, I wrote this instead of studying, I’m emo and sad, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, but - Freeform, i wrote this in 1 hour, midnight thoughts, quick brain dump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 21:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakingfreak/pseuds/freakingfreak
Summary: In which mark’s fear of hurting grew bigger than his affection for yukhei





	I die every night with(out) you

**Author's Note:**

> un-beta’d
> 
> hope my friends don’t see this because i’m good at hiding feelings and this one really lets the beast out of the cage

It was in the way yukhei looked at him through bleary yet understanding eyes. It was in the way yukhei spoke harsh yet insightful towards him. It was in the way yukhei cursed at him for drinking too much yet still tucking him into his own bed and cuddling with him. Mark knew it was inconvenient of him to feel that way but it was in the most typical and plain of things that he fell for Yukhei.

 

_ Too bad, he couldn’t afford any of it. _

 

In retrospect, Mark would say it could be a good set-up — an almost-too-good-to-be-true best friends to lovers trope. Except that he couldn’t bare to spill his feelings. Not even one bit.

 

Nights have been a gracious companion to Mark’s thoughts of Yukhei quite frequently. If the night sky could talk, it would’ve probably already told on Mark to a couple hundreds in the universe just to lift  _ some  _ burden off of its shoulders. Luckily for Mark, it couldn’t. And all of his deepest, most honest thoughts and desires stay safe with his unlikely confidant.

 

Most nights, Mark would stay up thinking about the numerous  _ what ifs  _ and  _ what could have beens _ . To be fair, not all of them are bad. Mark thought some (most) of them could actually be good. Yukhei has always been open to him. Too open, actually, that even Mark could pick up on those little slip ups Yukhei thought he could carelessly just drop when he thinks Mark wasn’t paying attention. And Mark wanted nothing more than to hold Yukhei’s face in front of his and tell him that he knew about all of it.

 

_ But he couldn’t. Just couldn’t. _

 

Maybe it was the fear of being wrong all this time. Maybe it was that despite of knowing Yukhei for so long, he would still mess up and hurt him, or it could be the other around as well. Maybe it was knowing how the both of them would crumble if things don’t work out. Maybe it was insecurity of still not being enough, despite giving everything he and Yukhei have to each other.  _ Or maybe it was just Mark being too much of a coward. Or maybe it was Yukhei who has being a coward. _

 

It is at times like this that Mark laughs at his own late night thoughts that would probably sound so stupid for his midday well-functioning brain. But during this time of the night, when his sleep-deprived brain bares all of his flaws and fears, Mark succumbs to his instincts of self-preservation and desire to stay beside Yukhei for as long as the world allows him to.


End file.
